I hate when the toilet overflows, because it's never when you just have a little pee in there, or when you're flushing a bug or spider down the bowl, no - it's after the worst case of "the big D" you've ever had when the water is all brown. Well my life has been feeling like a partially clogged toilet bowl lately, filling up with shit that won't flush completely. It gets this way every once in a while, maybe once every few years, about in the same frequency of an overflowing toilet, but this weekend it overflowed, both literally all over my white bathroom and figuratively, as I have been struggling with a lot of unanswered questions in my life, and a chance encounter with a hen this evening changed my life and provoked me to write this well overdue blog entry...I guess I should start at the beginning.
My trip to San Francisco sucked. I love the city, but the trip was overall a bad one. The hospital (UCSF San Francisco General Hospital) I was slated to interview at was a bust - run down facilities, poor technology and way behind the times. I say "slated" because after flying from Hawaii to interview there, the Program Director had a migraine and decided to leave at noon, ignoring our 1:15 pm scheduled interview time. So the Assistant Director met with me and said they didn't have any spots. It was all very daunting and that set the tone for the rest of the weekend. There were some highlights though, I saw Mike and it was good. It wasn't the same this time either. I know that I'm lonely and want to be in a relationship at this point in my life and I know I really like him (maybe even still love him), but he has his own life with Billy and that's not going to change. So I accepted him as a friend and I think we both made an effort to change the nature of our relationship (although I won't forget the post-Folsom workout at your gym Mikey) As for the Folsom Street Fair...it was overwhelming for sure…
Eight blocks of naked men, hair, leather, rope, porn, slings, harnesses and costumes (and i don't mean like Halloween). There was freedom of expression that's for sure. I saw two men dressed as leather pigs carrying around a dominatrix woman in a carriage. I saw public blowjobs, naked people walking in the streets, 4 ways, people being paddled, flogged and whipped…and asking for more. And I can't boast that I was a saint either because when I saw my favorite porn star, Logan McCree (link to his pics below), I asked him if I could see his pecker, which he was more than willing to show me, and then we made out for a little while. (His Mr. Frank is tattooed from the base of the shaft to the tip and it's a thing to see!)
http://milkywhitegoodness.blogspot.com/2008_04_01_archive.html
Anyway, at first it’s kind of hot to make out with a porn star, until a day later, upon reflection, it hits you just how many germs have passed through that mouth in a given day, especially that day. So I started drinking Listerine every hour for the next week to disinfect...still meeting him in person and not in my living room made the experience much more erotic, I have to say. There's a picture of the two of us below, as well as my "outfit" for the event - a leather harness, leather armbands, leather attachments (I won't say where they attach), leather boots and military pants. Hey...when in Rome...people told me they thought it was kind of hot.
I saw some strange things while I was there...
And I tried to get recruited to do porn as a job by these 3 very enticing girls. And while I have considered career changes lately, porn was not 1 of them....
And then walking home from the fair who should I encounter in the middle of the street but the one and only Karen Yamada! We ended up having lunch the following day and that was once of the highlights of the trip for me because she gave me a lot of perspective about my toilet bowl...
It's frustrating being in this transition phase of my life. While change is good, and I'm excited about it, I'm also a very regimented type of guy, and not knowing where I'll be in 3 months, not having a place to live yet there and leaving this island, all that I've known for 3 years, my friends, my life...it's hard. And while I know I have friends, I just feel so far away from everyone right now. I haven't talked to Jan in ages (I know you're busy sweetie) and I haven't seen my family since after Iraq. Jacintha, my best friend on the island, is in Spain doing well, and a newly blossoming friendship with Billy is leaving me feeling worried. I guess maybe I have been having island fever or maybe just plane garden variety home sickness. I haven't been quite myself lately, a little off, you know. Like the water that swirls around and around just before it flushes. My life seems like its spinning a little out of control lately. The only thing that has been keeping me busy is my horror movie!
Let's take a break to discuss my movie for a second. I can't tell everyone how far this has come and how excited I am about it. There will be a Red Carpet Premiere of the film November 01 at 7pm at a club called Hula's in Waikiki. I am getting a huge white stretch limousine to pick all the cast and crew up around the island to take them to the VIP Cast Party directly preceding the film. It is going to be the event of my life. My graphic designer just finished the movie poster and flyers for the film. I enclosed them below. They look amazing. More will follow as the premiere approaches.
So lately, like the dysfunctional throne, I feel like I've lost my Mojo, but something happened tonight to give it back to me. I was on my way to Billy and Aaron's house to film their scene in the movie when Billy called me and told me that Aaron (his boyfriend that lives with him), found one of the Hen's hurt - it had a broken leg. Billy said "I'm very sad about this" so I asked if he wanted to reschedule the movie shoot for another day (I thought this was a weird but valid reason). Well Aaron was going to take the poor hen (I think it was a Hen, but may have been a duck, goose, cock, rooster or something else, who the hell knows) to the Vet. But here in Oahu there is only 1 vet who works from 8-12 4 days a week, and birds aren't his specialty. Well I'm not sure why the thought occurred to me but I asked, "Can I do anything to help Billy?" He replied "If you think you could do anything at all, the Hen would appreciate it and I sure would to!"
So after stopping at the pharmacy to pick up some paper wound tape and some waterproof dressing tape, I decided to make a pit stop for some Ramen noodles. While waiting I decided to give myself a Vet education on bird fractures. So with my 3G I-Phone I typed in "duck fracture treatments" into Google and lo and behold, a whole treatment plan came up. So confidently I arrived at Kukuianiani (the name of his Hawaiian property) and saw this poor helpless rather large hen with a grossly through and though displaced open fracture of her Tibia at the TibuloTalar Joint. (The joint where birds of this type always break because there bone matrix is much more hollow than humans ---)
I had Billy hold down the Hen, Aaron grasp the leg, and I did an inspection of the extremity. As I gently grasped its leg, the poor Hen looked at me with these sad eyes. I sad, "I know honey, I know. There there." I think Billy was telepathically communicating with it in Hawaiian because the bird seemed to know we were there to help it. The foot was hangin by a thread. After 5 minutes of orienting myself to this strange Avian Anatomy (granted I was a Zoology Major in college at URI but I must have skipped the "Stabilization of Traumatic Hen Injuries" lecture because this bloody mutilated limb looked like one of those limp rubber ducky gag gifts.) Anyway, I digress. I identified the Talus (ankle bone) and knew what had to be done. I told Billy to brace the Hen, then with 2 triumphant maneuvers, I reset the bone and approximated the two edges. Next, I took several pairs of chop sticks and made a large splint, taking care to immobilize the joint above and below the injury site. Then we wrapped it, cleaned the Pen and fed it antibiotics through a syringe in its beak. Billy and the Hen were very grateful and while these next few weeks might be touch and go, we gave the poor thing a fighting chance.
What is the point? Well driving home from that experience last night got me to thinking. I really made a difference in something, granted it was a Hen that will probably end up on someone's Thanksgiving Dinner Table one day, but it felt good to do that. I had a rush of memories of when I used to work on the Labor & Delivery ward and after a tough night of delivering 5 or so babies, I'd go home to bed thinking that I really made a difference. I DO miss that! This whole career change nonsense is just that - nonsense, stemming from being on this island treating Marines and their STDs all day long and not really making a difference. You know, when I met with Karen in San Fran for lunch I told her that I didn't feel like a doctor anymore and that I wasn't sure I wanted to be one anymore. When I told Jan she said "Frankly I'm not surprised." But Karen gave me a good pep talk and it's something that I want to share with you all...
In life we can't even begin to know the change we make in people's lives. How our day to day actions move people. Sometimes it's obvious, like delivering a baby or splinting a Hen's leg, but other times it becomes less obvious. Like when you walk past someone and smile at them and say Good Morning, or when you take 5 minutes to listen to a friend in need instead of sending them to a voicemail or letting the answering machine pick it up. Karen reminded me that often times it takes others to point out how our actions have real consequences on the lives of those we touch.
When I'm feeling down or lonely, I remind myself of the people in my life and how they touch me every day without even knowing it, just by being my friend. I think about Jan and the memories of when we hug each other and act silly. I think about the Soldiers Angel and how when I was alone they made me feel like they were part of my day, holding my hand, praying and thinking of me. I think about the courage of some of my friends like Anthony, alone working in the ER of Landstuhl, German taking care of deployed Soldiers and I draw inspiration from him. I think of my friend Victor, and how he is the best listener I know - always there to answer the phone day or night or call me right back so he can be there for me - that's true friendship. All these things that my friends do they do naturally, without even thinking about them, but they affect change in people's lives every day. Thank you for that.
So I think the Hen Fracture gave me my mojo back. I want to be a doctor again. I want to get a good residency. I do make a difference, just like all of you. And while sometimes your toilet bowl fills with large chunks of shit and spills out all into your nice clean white life, it's nothing that a plunger, bleach and some towels won't fix. You don't stop using the toilet. You fix it, and before you know it, you start having nice clear flushes and days once again!
PS I want to buy a Ducati Motorcycle but I think my mom will cry if I do.
AND PPS My sister was on the news!!! Here is the link to watch it:
http://www.myfoxdc.com/myfox/MyFox/pages/sidebar_video.jsp?contentId=7642355&version=1&locale=EN-US
Nice job K!!! So proud of you.
