On Personal Lubricant

Of the many interesting requests I recieve from my Marines as they walk through my medical bay doors, "Do you have any 'lube' Sir?(aka personal lubricant)", has been one of the most interesting and somewhat frequent requests of late. -Mind you none of these Marines are having intercourse, so I'll let you extrapolate exactly why they are asking for the lube. Well, as the Doctor of my squadron I thought about it for a while and the request seemed to make more and more sense - dry sandy air leaves really dry, sandy and cracked hands, often caliced. Put those hands you know where and you could have a 'raw' situation on your hands, if you know what I mean.

So one of the responses from one of the relief organizations I wrote to (whose name shall remain anonymous) asked me to give him a list of anything that we needed - he said and I quote "Be as graphic as you want" So I told him that I couldn't get personal lubricant out here and I've had marines asking for some. He replied, "I've had some interesting requests over the past few years...feminine products, douches, etc, but heres one I can finally relate to." He said "I'll look into it". So he got back to me several days later and informed me that lube was expensive by the bottle and so I told him the individual packets were cheaper (I know he has a budget to work with. So today this is what the retired family man who lives in a small village in Nebraska writes me:

"...And oh yes, our favorite item. Personal lube. I looked around on the web for places to order it. You can get quite an education that way. Did you know there are such things as "lube parties" ? I had no idea. Anyway, I browsed my local Osco drug store, and found small bottles on sale. So I went to the pharmacy and asked the guy there, older gentleman in his 60's ...."can I order this by the case"?

The consummate professional, he never batted an eye but said he'd have to get the manager to take the order for me. Of course, it's a young woman. She took my order for without a hint of irony. I guess if you work in a drug store, you see it all.

I went to pick it up today, and the cashier asked in a motherly sort of way "would you like a plastic bag to cover this up with in your shopping cart". Nah, I was cool with it.

My wife, on the other hand, was so embarrassed that she checked out separately. Especially when I explained why the Marines needed it. But I had to tell someone the story, LOL. "
Too funny. Let the record show the lengths we will go for our Marines...