Beer For My Horses

Well, I've gotten a little behind with my blog postings. It's been a busy week. A few days ago, Toby Kieth came to Al Asad and performed an amazing concert. It was about an hour long and not without incident... one of the ladies from Soldier's Angels (RJ's cherrished relief organization) sent me a blow up beach ball. Upon recieving this unique gift I was unsure what to do with it until my corpsman told me - "toss it around at the concert!". What a great idea... or was it? When I arrived I blew up the ball and at the first song I tossed it in the air. The response was amazing, it was as if they had never seen a beach ball before. Marines were pointing and yelling as the ball bounced from one side of the crowd to the next. The idea went sour very quickly when a Marine decided to light a glow in the dark flashlight stick (about an 8 inch plastic stick that lights up when activated). He tossed it in the air, like the ball, and at first we laughed, but then, within seconds, ALL the Marines lit their sticks and about 30 of them were tossed in the air. They started landing on people's heads and faces, hurting people. After a few minutes Toby Kieth was no longer the focus of the concert as Marines were frantically trying to pay attention to where all the glow sticks were landing, so as not to get hurt. All you could hear was "watch out!" and "heads up!". It was a painful few moments until the MPs came in with their guns and surrendered all of the glow sticks. To my dismay, they also surrendered the beach ball, but it was quite a first song, I'll say that!

In other news, we've caught 7 mice. Although it's sad thay they must be caught and killed, I do have a Medical shop to keep sanitary and I can't have vermon running rampid in my shop!

My Soldier's Angel Roger sent me a few workout books today! I was thrilled. My life lately has been consumed by just a few things that make my day go by rather fast. One: Going to the gym and lifting weights. Two: Watching my new favorite tv show (now that Lost and Heros are gone)...Desperate Housewives! The show has some sort of dark humor that I find very amusing, and it makes me laugh every day a little, which is very important for me. Anyone else watch it???

The chow hall located next to our Barracks is doing major construction and announced today that while doing the reconstruction they uncovered a major "pest" infestation, without making mention of the specific "pests", as such the chow hall will be closed for several weeks. This has major repurcusions on the routine of my day that has been polished down to the minute! No longer will I be able to walk 2 minutes from my barracks to the chow hall, instead, I will be required to take a bus! This affects the entire timing of my day, and may ultimately mean me missing a meal! Missing meals affects my caloric intake, which affects my workout and weight gains which affects my overall mood and ability to attain my goals! A new bus schedule is being devised and we'll have to wait until it comes out to see what happens.

Well, that's all for now. I hope everyone had a nice holiday! Enclosed are some photos of the concert.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday! Although I'm halfway around the globe, I want to wish her the happiest of birthdays yet. On this day, I'll remember all of the happiest memories I have with her - of vacationing in Key West together, of touring the Hershey's Chocolate Factory together, - of the time she picked me up from college in a red sports car (my mom's more the Oldsmobile type, but she suprised me with a rental). Today I am reminded of how grateful I am to have a mother who has always done her best to take care of me and ensure that I have everything I need. I am grateful, mom, for all of the love and support that you have given me over my life. Happy Birthday!

The Demise of Little Whiskers

It was a dark, steamy, dessert night and the light cast from the full moon above showed dancing shadows on the ground below. The air was clearing itself of sand and debris from a sandstorm that passed by only minutes earlier. As I walked back from chow, I heard it for the first time. A noise in front of me. Was it a snake? a scorpion? a rat? Who was to say. The batteries of my Mag Lite were running dry and the once bright light that shown from it was replaced by a single beam no brighter than a match lit in space. I made it back to medical and sat at my desk, finishing my day's work, when I heard the noise again, only this time, it was in the room with me - first out of my right ear, then my left. Suddenly, my Corpsmen in the other room yelled, "Holy Sh*t!". As I sprang from my seat my heart was pounding, ready to face the insurgents that had obviously broken the perimeter defenses and made it past the guards out front. What my eyes saw I could hardly believe - 2 mice jumping on each other having sex in the corner of the room. Then we heard a noise, and a 3rd mouse raced accross the room, stopping only momentarily to look at us and laugh. A second later - another noise, and a 4th foe was scaling the wall! I've never seen anything like it before. Moments later, a 5th mouse! They were coming out of the woodwork and running rampid in Medical!

We knew what we had to do. My Corpsmen started to make booby traps out of string and wooden blocks, but after a day of trying to capture one with this method, we gave up (all of the traps were deployed with no catches. They scored 3 points!)

Day 2 came and we hunted down mouse traps, but all we could find were giant rat traps about 1 1/2 feet long each. We used all the Peanut Butter that the relief people had sent us to bait the traps and waited......one by one, we heard them....snap....SNap.....SNAP! And as we jumped up from our chairs with glee to see what we had caught, each time we saw the same - nothing. The metallic part that snapped over was so big that it snapped over the tiny mouse completely! All Little Whiskers had to do was duck!

Day 3, and no kills. Tonight we were ready. We thoroughly cleaned the entire shop, getting all debris and hiding places off of the floor, giving them no place to hide. Then we set the rat traps again and waited with bats and guns in hand for 'The Noise'. We knew it would be when we least expected it, so we tried to stay sharp. We waited and waited, then the couple came out. One went straight for the rat trap. SNAP! Dead! The other tried running accross the floor, but my Corpsmen wacked it and it was stunned. It rolled itself onto the rat trap to try to kill itself and put itself out of misery! SNAP! Dead!

Victorious and Triumphant, we marched out of medical with our game in hand, took it to the bus and attached it to the windshield wiper so that the bus driver would drive all around base and let every mouse know not to mess with the Ugly Angels or they would face a certain demise!

1 Fly, 1 Mosquito, 1 Gnat & Balls of Mud

I came to a realization this morning. People say that this country is infested with flies, gnats and mosquitoes, but I disagree. I have a theory. I think that when each soldier checks in on base, they are assigned 1 fly, 1 gnat and 1 mosquito, just like they are assigned their rifle, ammunition and gear. These 3 insects each take an 8 hour shift and while they're on shift they constantly fly around your head, land on your nose, seeing how far in your ear they can get without getting stuck, seeing if they can make a landing on your eyeball and release before the blink comes, etc. Their work is hard and continues until one of several outcomes occurs. Either their shift ends and they rest in a clandestine place like the back of your head or your butt crack, or they sadly get killed if that perfect moment occurs when they land on your thigh and you time it just right to smash it. Thus far, I've killed the mosquito and the gnat and now it's only the fly that's left. It flies around me 24/7, wherever I go. And when it's not flying around me (like in the john), I know its landing on and sucking poo just so it can torment me and land on my lips a few moments later. But I think it's getting tired. I find him resting more, and it senses it can't keep up with the increased flight demands now that his comrades have been eliminated. This morning however, something happened that would change his fate forever...

This morning I woke up to a beautiful clear blue sky. As I walked to the shower, the light coming inside the windows of the hall diminished and I thought there was an eclipse. I walked to the door and as I turned the corner, the barracks' hallways were filled with sand. Within a minute the biggest sandstorm that I have yet to bear witness to fell upon us. Visibility was decreased to ten feet in front of you like a giant orange fog. I showered and was ready to head to the chow hall, so I decided to go out in it (if you know me then you know I LOVE weather phenomenon). I donned my goggles and boonie cover and trekked out side, it was amazing. It was like being in the middle of an orange tornado. Suddenly I felt a single splat on my back, and I thought a bird had shat on me, but then I figured, no bird would be able to fly in this, "What was that?" Then another splat, and another, and I finally realized - it started to rain as big as hail, but when the rain passed through the sandstorm, it picked up all the sand and turned into balls of mud! Within minutes my flight suit, pistol and goggles were covered in mud. It was so cool! People were screaming & running for cover! The Ugandan guards were swearing something in Swahili that I couldn't understand and it was like some sort of demonic plague had fallen upon us. I laughed of course because I was enjoying myself.

Anyway, I made it to the chow hall and when I walked inside, everyone was just standing around. I then noticed a flap of the tent's roof had blown off and like a wind tunnel, a stream of sand was coming into the chow hall, depositing itself onto the salad bar, the buttered noodles, the barbequed beef brisket and the pecan pie stand. The chow hall Commander stopped serving lunch and made all the Indian attendants cover the food in Reynold's Wrap and move to the corner with masks over their mouths. Well, the Marines were getting antsy and hungry and after ten minutes thought, "Hey, if I made it all the way here in this freakin' storm, the least you can do is feed me!" So after not too careful consideration, they said, "Ok, if you want to eat sandy food, so be it!" So I ate my buttered noodles and my barbequed beef brisket, and although it was a little sandy, it tasted alright.


But wait, it gets better! Because the winds were so strong, the flies that were all trying their hardest to fly around their assigned Marines were faltering. Their fly radius kept increasing as the winds blew them here and there until eventually ALL of the flies on base got sucked into the wind tunnel and got blown into the chow hall with the sand through the flap that blew off in the tents roof. So now, as I sat there eating my gritty Pecan Pie, I looked around at the cloudy sandy air and there were thousands of flies! (And only about 50 Marines in the place), so instead of 1 fly per Marine, the ratio increased to 20 flies per Marine! You couldn't eat because they were flying everywhere, on your food, on your face, your hands, the sippy straw of your milk, EVERYWHERE! Even the flies that were supposed to belong to the Marine that was sitting next to you were up in your grill. I eventually got up, not having finished my gritty pecan pie, and ran out of the place. As I turned back exiting the door, I saw all the Marines with their hands swinging in the air to knock the flies off of them. It was a sight to see!

I walked back to my barracks, through the now thick & muddy sand and when I arrived, my boots weighed an extra 10 pounds because of the 6 inches of mud that was stuck to the bottoms of them.

All in all, it was an extremely exciting day, and as I sit here, typing peacefully in my office, the night sky is clear and filled with stars, and my fly is gone - sadly hunting high and low for his master. Will we ever meet again........?

197.8# & 30 WPM...on my way

Well, I'm on my way. I just finished a great workout and weighed in at 197.8 pounds, that's just 2.2 away from my goal weight! My new goal is going to be 210 pounds, but I want to make sure I don't get plump and stay cut. And my typing is getting better, with just 10 hours of work I'm at 30 WPM. Not too shabby.

The lines of communication have been down on base because of what happend in Baghdad. Anytime an incident occurs, communication lines (phone and e-mail) go down so as to contain the flow of information and so as not to get incorrect news of events inappropriately spread. Unfortunately, this happend yesterday all day for Mother's Day and soldiers weren't able to call their moms to wish them a Happy Mother's Day.

I had a great idea the other day that I already shared with the relief organization Soldier's Angels. I asked them if they could send me blank mini DVDs so that I can use my video camera that I brought out here to allow my Marines to tape themselves so they can send video messages home. They can record them in private, remove the DVD, send it home and their loved ones can just pop it right into their DVD Player. The response I got was exceptional and already there are people sending mini DVD-Rs to help me to start this project. I hope it makes my Marines feel a little bit more in touch with the people they care about.

As for me...I'm doing well and in good spirits. With my free time I'm working with my Video Production software to make a new movie. More to follow about that but I'm really excited about it!

And as for the clinic, no major injuries, a few lacerations that required sutures this past week, more Athlete's Foot, lots of Muscle Strains, Back Pains and Knee Sprains, with an occasional viral Gastroenteritis mixed in just for shits and giggles (no pun intended).

If you need an idea of what to send me - a sleeveless t-shirt or tank top would be very much appreciated. I'm tired of lifting weights in the same t-shirt over and over, and since its getting hot, everyone is lifting in sleeveless tees or tank tops. So if you have an old beat up t-shirt that you want to cut the sleeves off of, feel free to send it my way. Mahalo!

The Soul's Code

Today was another hot day. The clouds kept it below 120 but it made it to 115 anyway. The highlight of my day was watching the latest episode of LOST that was put on our share drive today (usually tv episodes get put on the day after they come out). Actually, the highlight of my day was getting a care package from my best friend Jan! She sent me some toiletries (and for now I have a 6 month supply of razors, soap, shampoo, tooth paste, tooth brushes, loofa sponges and almost any other toiletry you can think of). Jan's package contained a book which I'm anxious to start. It's entitled 'The Soul's Code: In Search of Character and Calling' by James Hillman. Although reading is not something I typically enjoy doing, I'm going to read this book, as it comes highly recommended from her (and if Jan highly recomends a book, you can be sure its worth reading).

I recently got pictures from some of my friends back in Hawaii of the Muscular Dystrophy Benefit that my friend Billy's company sponsors. All of our friends meet, get dressed up and go every year to a benefit at The Royal Hawaiiain hotel in Waikiki. Although this only would have been my second year, I missed going. The pictures came out spectacular, and I added them to my digital picture frame on my desk. I miss you guys!

A very expensive 'Top of the Morning'

Today I got a care package from my sister Kelly! It was very exciting because she enclosed one of my favorite Easter treats - Marshmallow Peeps!!! (No wonder I was always going to the dentist to have my cavities filled as a child). She also put some gum, a CD full of pictures, some power bars and some pictures made by my 3 year old niece Kiera (that I hung on the wall behind me in the picture). It was an awesome treat!

In other news, I went on-line yesterday to check my bank accounts and see all the money I was making and I noticed two unrecognizable charges. On the trip over here, we stopped in Ireland and I "charged" two calls from Ireland to Pennsylvania and Virginia. The phone said .25 per minute anywhere in the U.S., so I made two calls, one for 5 minutes and the other for 15 minutes. The other day the charges came in for them - $38.00 for the first call and $79.00 for the second! I couldn't believe it. When I called to inquire about them, they said that there were flat fees associated with making the call using a credit card! I argued it as best I could and they ended up crediting me $45.00 of the $127.00 total for the 20 minutes of call time. But it was the most expensive 'Top 'O the Morning' I ever paid for.

Today when I went to the bathroom, the sleeve of my flight suit fell in the toilet. It was not a happy moment for me. I thank God the toilet water was clean (maybe empty would be a better word than clean, since I don't know the last time the toilets were actually cleaned).

And that's about it for now. Since we've been getting a lot of relief items like toiletries and such, here's an updated list of things you could send if you plan on making a care package:

a postcard from your city (I'm making a wall of postcards), a fun coffee mug, digital pictures, Propel Powder Packets, Strawberry Flavored Oreos (someone sent us a pack and they're awesome!), a Shaker to mix up a protein shake (GNC), LL Cool J's new book 'Platinum Workout', Daily Vitamins (GNC Mega Men or any kind), Blank Thank You Cards, a flag (Ireland, Hawaii, any state or country) - it'll decorate my bare walls, any workout books or books on Ab Workouts (The Complete Book of Abs, Boot Camp Abs, Bullet Proof Abs)

That's it for now. I appreciate everyone's letters, especially from my Soldier's Angels!

Cinco de Mayo Festival!

So the other day, May 4th, I had an idea. And if you know me, you know that I get some crazy ideas in my head. Well, one of the ladies from Soldier's Angels sent me a box filled with plain tortilla chips. I thought this was a little odd until I got a second box 3 days later that said, "Box 2 of 2". This one was filled with salsa, jalapenos, and cheese. So I got the idea to have a party for Cinco de Mayo (that's May 5th in case you're thinking "I'm not following you"). So for my party I envisioned Nachos, Mexican music, some Mexican food, some fine Cigars, some cheap beer and of course, a pinata.

So I went on line and typed into google "Pinata How To Make" and hit 'search'. Instantly I was transported to a set of instructions on authentic pinata making. It was simple - it said, start with a balloon, blow it up, then take Elmer's glue mixed with water and attach some newspaper to the balloon with the glue. Then take several layers, let dry overnight, paint, cut and fill with candy. EASY!!! (right?)

So I hunted high and low for a balloon but alas, none were to be found in the middle of this Iraqi desert. So I wracked my brain for what I could use as a potential substitute...then it hit me - A CONDOM! We had plenty of those here in Medical (since no one was aloud to have sex per the squadron order). So I took one out of the package and opened it up. Then I unrolled it and wiped off the Nonoxyl-9 lubrication from it (we only had the spermicidally lubricated kind) and then got ready to blow. Once fully blown up we tied it off and had our pinata shell. Next we needed to find glue. Once again I hunted high and low for Elmer's glue, but the only thing we found were a few glue sticks and some tubes of super glue. I feared the super glue would eat through the latex so I took the glue sticks and put them in the microwave thinking they would melt, then I could add water to the liquid. Well, 30 seconds on high caused the glue sticks to burn, turn brown and stink. So I was back to the drawing board. What could I use that was sticky enough to hold? Then it hit me... the lube!

So we shredded some newspaper and took the lubricant and put 2 squirts on each piece. It was suprisingly very adhesive to the condom. With each layer we would wet the newspaper and let it dry (and given the 105 degree temps lately, that took all of about 10 minutes outside). After 5 layers, my corpsmen HM1 Allday tookover. He's an exceptional artist and he made the pinata in the shape of Olaf, our squadron Mascot, the Ugly Angel. Once painted, I cut a slit in it, filled it with candy and hung it in the chow hall.

I downloaded some really cheezy Mexican music, I bought the squadron a few cases of non-alcoholic beer, which was Iraq's equivalent of Milwaukee's Best or Natural Light Ice - only sans alcohol. I made the Nachos and distriubted a bunch of cigars that were sent to us from a gentlemen in California and thus began our festival! Our Seargent Major, a heavy weightlifter and biggest guy of our squadron was up to take the first swing with a police batton that someone in our squadron had. He spun around 5 times, closed his eyes, swung with all his might, and almost took out one of the Marines. Several people later, the pinata was busted open as candy spilled out to everyone's delight. The non-alcoholic beer looked like beer, smelt like beer and even tasted like beer, but after one can, I had a headache, felt bloated and gassy and there was no satisfaction of a buzz. It was very disappointing.

Later that night my Major asked me, "Hey Doc, how did you manage to make a pinata out here?" I replied, "It all started with a condom, some lube and a dream". He answered, "Like so many other things in life..." We laughed and thus the lube saga continues.

Mavis Beacon Teaches RJ Typing

I've decided to start working on one of my goals that I made for myself while I'm out here, to teach myself how to type properly. No more 2 fingered pecking for this guy. The CD-ROM is called 'Mavis Beacon teaches typing'. I'm on my fourth day today and already I'm at an average of 13 words per minute! That may not seem impressive but considering I started out at 6, I'd say that's progress. I know my home keys and I'm working on my punctuation marks. It's very exciting. My goal is to get up to 40 wpm. I have to be patient though I guess.

Not too much else has transpired this week. Everyone here is getting Athlete's Foot (not me yet thank God). It broke 98 degrees today and everyone's starting to sweat bad. And I haven't had a hot shower for a few days. (Lots of cold water though). The gnats are getting bad too. You go outside and by the time you walk back inside you have about 50 stuck to your flight suit crawling on you. Your skin is full of bug guts by the end of the day. I've been working out pretty hard still and I can see my goal of 200 pounds of solid muscle in sight!

I've gotten some great care packages from the Soldier's Angels group (picture above), Lion's Hawaiian Coffee Company and I got one from Billy that included a Hawaiian Day By Day calendar - and rumor has it that my friend Anthony, my sister Kelly and best friend Jan all have sent packages that I'm really looking forward to getting! It's nice to have something to look forward to.

That's it for now. Kind of a dull week.